Sexual Abuse of children : the grooming


Sexual abuse of children

Complaints about grooming

Child grooming refers to actions deliberately undertaken with the aim of befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, in order to lower the child’s inhibitions in preparation for sexual activity with the child

Generally child sexual abuse occurs at the hands of someone personally close and well known to that child. Thus, abuse is usually preceded by grooming.

Child grooming involves psychological manipulation in the form of and foot-in-the-door tactics, using activities that are typically legal but later lead to illegal activities. This is done to gain the child’s trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child’s well-being who are less likely to believe potential accusations.

To establish a good relationship with the child and the child’s family, child groomers might do several things. For example, they might take an undue interest in someone else’s child, to be the child’s “special” friend to gain the child’s trust. They might give gifts or money to the child for no apparent reason (toys, dolls, etc.). They may simply talk about sexual topics.Hugging and kissing or other physical contact, even when the child does not want it, can happen. They might talk about problems normally discussed between adults, or at least people of the same age

The child groomer might look for opportunities to have time alone with the child. This can be done by offering to babysit. The groomer may invite the child for sleepovers. This gives them the opportunity to sleep in the same room or even the same bed with the child

The forging of an emotional bond through grooming leads to physical contact. Predators use the grooming process to break down a child’s defenses and increase the child’s acceptance of touch. The first physical contact between predator and victim is often nonsexual touching designed to identify limits: an « accidental » touch, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. Nonsexual touching desensitizes the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching—the predator’s ultimate goal.

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which an adult uses a child for sexual stimulation. Forms of child sexual abuse include asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), indecent exposure (of the genitals, female nipples, etc.), actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child’s genitals, oral sex, viewing of the child’s genitalia without physical contact, with intent to gratify their own sexual desires or to intimidate or groom the child, physical sexual contact with a child.

Under the law, « child sexual abuse » is an umbrella term describing criminal and civil offenses in which an adult engages in sexual activity with a minor or exploits a minor for the purpose of sexual gratification.The American Psychiatric Association states that « children cannot consent to sexual activity with adults », and condemns any such action by an adult: « An adult who engages in sexual activity with a child is performing a criminal and immoral act which never can be considered normal or socially acceptable behavior.

Child sexual abuse includes a variety of sexual offenses, including:

Sexual assault – a term defining offenses in which an adult touches a minor for the purpose of sexual gratification; for example, rape ( and sexual penetration with an object).

Most U.S.states include, in their definitions of sexual assault, any penetrative contact of a minor’s body, however slight, if the contact is performed for the purpose of sexual gratification.

Sexual grooming, defines the social conduct of a potential child sex offender who seeks to make a minor more accepting of their advance

Although hearing a victim’s disclosure might be uncomfortable, for the sake of the victim’s well-being, it is important to be able to respond effectively. This may be facilitated by a mental health professional’s help. Showing that you understand and take seriously what the child is saying is an important first step.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry provides guidelines for what to say to the victim and what to do following the disclosure.



Pedophiles have distinct characteristics and their preferred sexual objects are children. Pedophiles often have numerous victims and many claim to have abused hundreds or thousands of children. Pedophiles are narcissistic by nature and their bragging usually comes across as narcissistic. Pedophiles tend to like children of a certain age and they typically do not deviate from their preferred age range. Many prefer girls that are too young to get pregnant.

Pedophiles will make every possible effort to be around children. They choose professions that will allow them to interact with children in their preferred age range. Child molesters have taken positions as youth pastors, boy-scout leaders, coaches, teachers, child-care providers, counselors, and employees at establishments that serve children. They slowly get to know their targets. They make friends with the child and start the “seduction” process. They try to become the child’s confidant and often offer email addresses, home addresses, and phone numbers. Child molesters remain patient and often have several children they are trying to seduce at the same time. This type of seduction is all about gaining trust with the child. Children are not attracted to their abusers, but they do start to trust them as a friend. Basically, these molesters get to know the child so well that when they do finally molest their victim they have information to blackmail them. For example, “Don’t you tell or I’ll tell your parents this…” They get to know their victims so well that they know how to manipulate them and confuse them. They essentially become stalkers, but they are not obvious. Pedophiles usually try to establish a great reputation in their communities. Once they have gained a good reputation people do not really pay attention, because they are trusted. This is why the seduction and stalking goes unnoticed.

Pedophilia and Types of Pedophiles

Pedophilia is not a curable condition. Pedophiles are sexually obsessed with children and their goal is to get close to children of their preferred age range. Pedophiles have obsessive-compulsive characteristics and they live within the sexual fantasies they create. Some actually believe that molestation is wanted by the children and that the children enjoy it. However, most know, deep down, that what they are doing is wrong; they just can’t stop.

A pedophile that is attracted to both children and adults is called a Regressed Offender because they bounce back and forth between an adult sexual relationship and criminally assaulting children.

The Situational Pedophile has three subtypes:

1.The Regressed Pedophile has the most balanced life of all the subtypes. They seek female victims and they enjoy the seduction process. This subtype will use child pornography as part of the seduction process and they use the Internet to find vulnerable victims. Female children are preferred, but they will go after a defenseless person if the stress in their life becomes too much. Regressed Pedophiles have many potential victims in mind. They take their time and move on the child when they feel safe. Although this type of pedophile is more stable than the others, they usually have insecurity issues and they have a hard time having successful interactions with other adults. This subtype prefers oral and vaginal intercourse.

2.The Indiscriminate Pedophiles are calm and often charismatic. They are more dangerous because they will try anything sexually and their main concern is their sexual fun at the victim’s expense. The seduction process is long and tedious. Great care is taken to bond with their future victim. The Indiscriminate Pedophile enjoys child pornography and they want children as their victims. They try to get to know friends of their victims and those children are usually targeted as their next victim.

3.The Immature Pedophile comes across as strange or weird. This type is more naive and less manipulative than the other groups. Their victims come from their own neighborhoods and although they have a preferred age range, they will deviate from it. They are happy fondling their victims, but they prefer anal sex and oral sex. The Immature Pedophile is less stable than the other subtypes and they tend to have a lot of stress to deal with.

(Google and Wikipedia)

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